Night #4

Fuck I hate this. Seems like I can only ever feel happy in my dreams. The level of it I felt in last night's/this morning's dream... I don't think I will ever feel like that for real again... it's been such a long time, I forgot what it's like 
Maybe that was the whole point of the dream... to make me realize this...
Why couldn't I have been super sad instead, then I could have woken up and been glad I am not that bad anymore, which would have led to a small sense of happy. But no... in fact, I think I'm another level closer to that sadness all because of happiness in the form of astral projection and nothing more.
I thought I woulda been okay doing all this, I did see the warning... it does, in fact, bring you to a certain level of truth that you may not find in waking reality, and being in a distressed/depressed state of mind, it will probably only make you feel worse.
I am beginning to think I made a mistake, starting this kind of work. I should have at least started a darker section first... ugh >.<
At least then I woulda been...?
Night 4's well-made point: happiness is just a dream, and dreams are not eternal.
Oh boy, here come the tears...