Night #6

So I would like to say that for the last night or 2, I "took the night off". But that is virtually impossible with dreams. Progress is being made, no doubt. I have literally gone from getting hardly anything, to small clips throughout the night, to what seems like an entire sleep cycle with nothing BUT dreaming from the time I fall asleep to the second before I wake up.
I definitely can't recall ALL off that, that would be a lot... but I do, like the last night, remember quite a bit.
I am sad to say I have actually forgotten by now what it was this morning that made me wake up almost in tears, swearing that I am done doing this.
I know the thought has crossed my mind several times. OH okay I remember. And yes I can see why I would wanna call it quits. A week straight of the same thing? Yeh, that would probably put anyone in that state of mind.
But seeing as I don't remember detail or anything, I can't say. Because, like I said, you can't just -quit- dreaming. Probably do it less if you alter your state of consciousness... in that case become an alcoholic or something... but I don't think that would be very beneficial either.
Hmmm... I don't know. I think by now I know why there seems to be one thing that is continuously subject. Well actually 2 things. One of them being Little House on the Prairie lol but I can blame that on the fact that I watch it so often.
Night 6's point: I can't drop this yet o.O

Night #5

I only remember one small bit of the dream, similar to the ones about VF, except it was on FB this time.
YET once again I woke up before I could see what it said o.O
WTF who dreams about social networking sites this ridiculously much??? Why do I keep waking up right before seeing?
I may have an idea why, but come onnnn.
Maybe it's something about unstable handling of truth.
Something like that...?
Night 5's point: Don't put yourself in situations you know you can't handle...

Night #4

Fuck I hate this. Seems like I can only ever feel happy in my dreams. The level of it I felt in last night's/this morning's dream... I don't think I will ever feel like that for real again... it's been such a long time, I forgot what it's like 
Maybe that was the whole point of the dream... to make me realize this...
Why couldn't I have been super sad instead, then I could have woken up and been glad I am not that bad anymore, which would have led to a small sense of happy. But no... in fact, I think I'm another level closer to that sadness all because of happiness in the form of astral projection and nothing more.
I thought I woulda been okay doing all this, I did see the warning... it does, in fact, bring you to a certain level of truth that you may not find in waking reality, and being in a distressed/depressed state of mind, it will probably only make you feel worse.
I am beginning to think I made a mistake, starting this kind of work. I should have at least started a darker section first... ugh >.<
At least then I woulda been...?
Night 4's well-made point: happiness is just a dream, and dreams are not eternal.
Oh boy, here come the tears...

Night #3

Originally on: March 11th 2012
Just as unsuccessful as the last.
I keep having dreams about VF o.O
Very short and seemingly trivial ones.
Like this morning's... I had a new journal comment, but I woke up before I saw it or who left it... it's like wtf? 
I don't know why these dreams keep bringing me back to VF... it's the third time in a week o.O

BUT I did however, wake up with solid realization of something, cuz it transferred with me out of my dream and into a state of awareness... "If I was too drunk to remember... it didn't happen!" lol... it makes a lot of sense, taking into consideration all the times I've blacked out and busted up the house when John wouldn't shut the fuck up... 

It's not necessarily the kind of advice I am looking for in all this but I think it must mean it's starting to work haha.
Night 3's point: If I don't remember it... it did not happen xD

Night #2

Originally on: March 10th 2012
Sadly, I did not do so well last night.
I woke up but failed to write everything down... I just fell asleep again 
I'm hoping it'll all come back to me throughout the day. It happened yesterday.
I did dream that my grandma sent me $100 lol.
Maybe I should try to go back to sleep. Usually that's when it might be easier to stay -conscious-... hmmm...
Night 2's point: Call grandma xD

Night #1

Originally on: March 9th 2012
BLAH!
Does anyone know how difficult it is to try keeping yourself in a totally "conscious and aware" state while falling asleep?
I didn't think it would be but it is o.O
I do believe I may have -accidentally- succeeded in the past couple hours because I made a minuscule bit of progress with this last dream I had before I woke up. I don't know if it was just one of those random dreams or not but it seemed pretty relevant, and it seems also that I knew exactly what I was doing. I suppose I just gotta work on it more.
No I am not gonna go into detail, but no it wasn't a -perv- dream lol shut up.
Then there was another one. I was on VF and the peeps on my friends list was missing 2 or 3. But I woke up before I could figure out who o.O
SO that's how night one went as far as this part of my -studies- go. I can't be too disappointed, this could take weeks or even months to fully get.
Time to hit the books!
Night 1's point: you can't change what isn't there